..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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