your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
