one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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