1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize