people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
