At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
