I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
of course. lets lasso hookers.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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