I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
