420 ftw
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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