The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
