just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I did not marry a roomba.
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