My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
