I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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