The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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