Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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