There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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