I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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