I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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