I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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