She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
