i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
