69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
