You're so nebulous sometimes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
