Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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