I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
