bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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