Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
