Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
