i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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