I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
