oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My pussy is not your playground.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
