how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize