Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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