those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
