i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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