I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
