the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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