I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
