1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
tell me about the eggs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
