i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
