i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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