I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
