after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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