hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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