Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
