He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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