I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
