I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
