Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
