Are we in a gay sports bar?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you made out with another girl for some wings
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
