god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
