the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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