i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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