Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Someone signed my nipple.
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