Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
