took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
