I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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