come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
