i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize