yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
