Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
