you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
